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Jury's in:

Not gonna write in this journal anymore. I'll use it for commenting, but nothing else. I can't delete it because I have no backup and there's shit on here I want to keep.

Furthermore, I'm not going to get another LJ account. If you want to keep in contact with me, add me on Facebook or MSN or something. If you want my new blog address, email me and I'll probably give you the URL.

Funny how one or two people can ruin it for everyone.



Reappearing from the black to post these.

Bamboozle Roadshow, a few days ago. Members of two bands, one of which I am a fan, being beaten by the cops for "breaking curfew" in Philadelphia.

The Bamboozle Road Show(April 26 Philly): Bands, Batons, & Blood

The last image from this video goes along with this Twitter post by Travis from We The Kings.

Regardless of what happened to start the incident, violence is not the way to react. I hate those fuckheads that hide behind their badge as a way to get off on illegal or amoral shit like this. Like some of the cops in Halifax, this is just an abuse of privilege. They should all be suspended.


Otherwise, this blog is still closed. A new one has popped up elsewhere, but unless I say you do, you don't get the link. I don't need more people judging me for trying to find someone to talk to. I know there are people who read this who don't say so. STOP.

I'm sorry.

I need to stop this for now.

Journal's closed until further notice.

I love you all.


I. Am. So. Stupid.

"Making it up" was two bags of candy.

Awesome, but man.

I totally can't read people.

Two rejections in three weeks. I'm on a fucking roll.

My Ishy will be here in two days!!

I am very excited about this. You do not even know.

We are going to do many excellent things like sit around! Make pudding eggs! Wander aimlessly through the streets of Halifax! Drink beer and eat wings (AT THE SAME TIME)! Watch ridiculous movies! Read novels to each other! Etc, etc.

It will be nice to have someone around for a week who actually wants to be around.

So this weekend looks pretty bleak. I think I have to miss the wrap party at Sam's in order to get these titles sorted out. AGAIN. Apparently the files are corrupt or something. I'm re-exporting them now, but Heather D. informs me that I have to completely re-do the project from scratch. For the fourth time. I give up!

I actually like doing titles and posters and DVD art. I think it's the part of me that wanted to be a graphic designer when I was younger. I still can't come up with a good idea for the cover of the DVD though. I've got everything else worked out, it just needs to be inserted into the template and printed. I even know the image I'm going to print on the DVD itself, how the menus will look, etc. I just can't get my head around that cover image. Nothing I have for photos really tells me what the movie's about enough to be the cover. Maybe I'll talk to Ryan Ritchie and see if he has anything I can use.

Blahdy blah...

Come on, files! Render!!

Heh. Whoops.


Tomorrow apparently Wes is "making it up to me" for missing out on birthday drinks Monday night. I honestly for realz don't know what this entails. He won't tell me. Could be more drinks! Which, I must say, I am most definitely up for. Drunk twice in one week is not nearly enough. :D

But you know, dude, it really wasn't that big of a deal... S'just drinks. You don't have to-- oh, well okay then. If you insist.


I'll try not to do anything any of you wouldn't.

Recutting titles AGAIN.

I am getting pissed at always being up and working at this hour.

Didn't school end yesterday??

Ghostvase Trailer!

Guys, do you seriously not want to see this?

Joel McLeod's Ghostvase screens on the 30th. BE THERE.

This is risky.

From my paper journal, dated Friday, March 28th, 2008. 23:10

'Running in circles all night long; could you turn up the volume? It's my favourite song.' -This Is Ivy League, 'Modern World'.Collapse )

There is nothing in there I haven't said to you. Rereading it, though, makes all the hurt and anger come back to the surface.

Creature from the Blog Lagoon

Blah blah blah. Waiting for a computer with Photoshop on so I can do some work. Alternatively I could go home and work. I may just do that. I might get more done in my own environment. (NOT)

So I'm wearing a skirt today. Bought it yesterday with birthday monies. I walked into Ricki's and thought, "Damn. I want me an effing skirt." So I bought one. I originally wanted a denim skirt, but there's still time left in the season to find one. This one's a brownish sort of grey, knee-length. I'm wearing brown tights, my new pashmina scarf, and my Stars tee with it. I look rockin', and feel pretty!

Birthday wasn't so bad. I spent most of it alone, which was fine, except for the part where I brought home a crapload of food for dinner (BBQ chicken, various salads, corn on the cob, as well as delicious cake) only to find that xcarex and Dorian were just on their way out. So I ate supper by my onesies and watched Dawn of the Dead on TiVo. Not the original, the one with Sarah Polley in. I liked it.

Today I get birthday drinks! $5 martinis at the Fireside. Hopefully someone will show up. I know Tiff said she would, but everyone else is still all maybes. Invited Wes, Allie, AJ, Adam, Jesse, the Heathers, Daylicious... I think there may have been more. Possibly Alex. I should see if he wants to come. I enjoy Alex. There. Invited.

Have a new cousin now. I forgot completely that my cousin Stevie's wife Sherri was even preggers. She had a c-section this morning, and it's a girl. Bloody woman wants to name the baby Lacey. I have problems with this. A) It's a trailer trash name; B) Her last name is Head. Lacey Head?? STRIPPER NAME, GUYS, REALLY. Thankfully it's not set in stone yet; Stevie wants to name her Sophie. I think Sophia would work better to the ear, but it's not my baby, so... Plus, then they'd be all "S" names.

What's up with you today, flist?

Ok, no more drinking before bed.

Had some awesome, yet effed-up dreams last night.

The weirdest one was that I was back in Timberlea, and my Mum had just had another baby. I had another little brother. He latched on to me right away, smiling and answering to the name I wanted for him (Michael something). WEIRD.

Then I had a dream I was hanging out in a Guild-type place, except it was more like a hallway, and ishyface and I were totally dancing around and rocking out to the new Cobra Starship song, "Pete Wentz is the Only Reason We're Famous"</a>. Like, fists in the air, jumping around, head banging, etc. I think this has to happen for realz when zee comes up. WEIRDER.

Perhaps the weirdest dream though, was the one where I was looking for something in a box of my brother Eddie's old school folders, and I found a story written by him (and illustrated by my old friend Jennah) called "The Adventures of Triffinia", which was essentially Ghostvase with the names changed (Blastmar was Traublaud, or something), and told from Trixxie's POV. It was dated 2006. So, sorry Joel, my (then 10-year-old) brother came up with your thesis film. XD WEIRDEST.

So what's up with you, flist?

I am alone, and I am drunk.

Happy effing birthday to me.

I think I'll go take a walk.

Go watch these videos. ILTHEM.

Also, I made a funny: I slept with someone at NSCAD and all I got was this stupid conceptual art piece made about me.

I am alive.

I made my goal of getting home by 1AM. So far I haven't heard back from the Belly of the Whale post team, so I can only assume they were happy with that edit of the titles. I had to eventually re-do the end credits from scratch, because the timing wasn't syncing up on any of the blocks of text.

That probably made no sense to anyone else but Chantale.

So I've decided I'm gonna try therapy of some point. The more and more I look at this year and the things I've done or haven't done, and the way I've felt about them, the more I think that there's something very wrong. The behaviour, the attitude, the ambivalence. All of it just adds up to someone who isn't who I am. It's like a doppelganger or something. And I don't like it. It could be something as straightforward as depression (not that depression is ever straightforward, but...), but I keep thinking schizophrenia over and over. Been doing some reading on it, and it just sounds like me. Not the hallucinations and delusions part (though I do tend to over-think and assume people hate me), but the "negative" symptoms, which match pretty closely with depression.

I just want to feel like I did before I came to this damn school. I was a happy person then. For the most part, I mean. I had my moments/days/whatevers, but for the most part I was really happy. And then NSCAD. I think finishing with the film program will help a lot with it. I hate myself a lot in that kind of context. I always feel useless, talentless, hated, ignored. I think getting back into photography, which is a much more singular art practice, will help a lot. I get to choose how I relate to other people and whether I want to involve them in my work. That said, I am not looking forward to having to make photographs that have some deep, intrinsic message about the human condition. I just like taking photographs, people.

I think this summer I'm going to try a series. I tried out some shots with my 6x6 Brownie, and came out with a shot of the food court in Scotia Square, completely deserted. It was weird. I might try and do a series of public places without people in, using just toy cameras and slide film or something. I like the quality of it. Kinda creepy. It will mean a lot of Sundays out and about, but I think it's something I can actually achieve, and small goals are really important right now.

Okay. I've got some stuff to drop off at school, and then it's time for work. It's a beautiful day out. Colder than yesterday (I walked home from work with no coat on!), but still sunny. Looking forward to the walk to school.

I love you all.

Latest Month

May 2009

The Mixtape

"The revolution wasn't bad
We hit the streets with all we had
A tape recording with the sound
Of the Velvet Underground
A K-Way jacket torn to shreds
And a dream inside our heads
And after changing everything
They couldn't tell we couldn't sing."

-Stars, "Soft Revolution".


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